IS MOTHERHOOD A CHOICE ???

Something strange happened yesterday. ..

I was selecting pictures for my  Anand Mela blog post, its always difficult task to select few from hundreds of them anyways thats when my phone rang. It was an unknown phone number, my eyes still stuck on my laptop screen I answered the call, there was a shaky "HELLO" on other end.

She said "Hi, We don"t know each other, but I read your blog daily and I feel I know you very well. I got your phone number from a common friend long back but I waited all this while to talk to you. Before you ask my name, I don"t wish to disclose it and would appreciate if you don"t try to find it out."

Before I could say something she continued "I want to share something with you, which if you wish you can write about. Can I talk to you for few minutes or call you later?"

I shut my laptop screen got up from my chair from her voice I could tell she was not fooling around and it was something serious. I said "Ok ! Go ahead, i am listening".

Now just for our reference let us call her Anamika - which means person without a name or nameless !

Anamika continued "Thanks ! I dont want to address you as a friend just want you to listen."

I interrupted "If you don"t think of me as a friend then why talk to me?"

Anamika said "I have been in USA for more than six years now and I have many whom I call my friends. Friends whom I invite over for dinner, friends with whom I party, friends whose birthdays we celebrate, friends who are neighbors, friends who are jealous when I am doing good and friends who are happy when I am upset. I don"t usually complain but I am so sick of this superficial relationships. I have a perfectly normal life like everyone else does with own share of problems but I am fine with it. What am not able to accept is not a single person I know is ready to share his/her sorrows with me. There have been times when I have shared my short comings with others just to lighten my heavy heart. But more often than not that just ends up becoming a hot topic of discussion. I am bored of painting the perfect picture. I want to discuss my imperfections and work on them. I just feel its..."

She paused and waited for me to react, I wish I could but I was at loss of words. I tried saying " I understand how that feels..."she just cut my words and said "NO, you don"t!"

She continued "There have been times where I have been so upset or frustrated with extra work at office, fights with husband or just because its that time of the month but I have no one to let it all out. I cannot bother my old parents back in India. Neither tell my brother about these things he wouldn"t understand. And yes telling the so called friends is not a option at all."

She was talking and I could actually read in between her words there was so much agony. She said "I am a happily married lady. My husband is a nice guy. But sometimes it feels so wrong when everyone around you just keeps expecting form you. I am neither scared of giving birth to a child nor do I hate kids in fact I like, i love kids, others kids. I don"t want to have my own not that I can"t but I DON"T Want to. Everyone around me keeps giving me endless advice. I am 31 years old, I have told my husband about this He says he is fine with my decision but sometimes he gives in to family pressure. At times when he looses his temper he asks me Why did I not tell him before?"

She paused and then continued "I didn"t tell him because I didn"t know myself. All my life I focused on my education then work and when my parents said it was the right time to marry I gave it a thought and eventually did get married. Not that I regret any of this. I am really happy with my life, I am content and thats the problem. I am happy with what I have now and don"t wish to add a new member to my family."

She asked me "Isn"t Motherhood a choice?"

Before I could reply, she said "Are all women born to be Mothers by default. Is it really the law of nature or is it man made. When I honestly tell someone about my views they give a cold look. my desire of not having children make me less humane in their eyes. Initially I thought I would meet  someone who would at least agree or have the courtesy to say "Its your choice", but sadly I haven"t met any. Not a man nor a Women who would actually respect my decision. I often feel confident about my decision and I think its better to be aware of what you want from life rather than just keep living it on someone else"s terms. But sometimes I feel really low and it pushes me to think ....

Am I doing something awfully wrong?

Should I have children just because everyone else does?

Is childless Marriage a failure ?